Last Updated on August 21, 2020

Unfortunately, so many men are bad in bed and don’t even know it. The truth is that there’s a difference between what men think is great sex and what women really think about that experience.

I know every man wants to be amazing and nail it in the bedroom (pun intended), but many fail to deliver. Most women are under-fucked and very few have experienced a master cock. So it’s hard for them to set new standards.

Let’s not point fingers and start by taking a little trip down memory lane.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 33 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: WHY SO MANY MEN ARE BAD IN BED AND DON’T EVEN KNOW IT

Poor Sexual Education is the Beginning of the Rabbit Hole

Here’s what most people’s sexual education looked like when growing up:

Locker room talk which mostly consisted of bragging about sexual conquest, therefore, setting up the stage for inadequacy or denial.

Depending on your age, it was either Playboy that educated you or the porn industry, which makes you dependent on somebody else to set your sexual standards.

If you had a big brother or sister, you might have put pieces together from hearing about their own “poor” sexual experiences.

Mum and Dad might have had “the talk” which was highly embarrassing, most likely useless. Real sex was just not something you talked about.

Bottom line, it was all a mystery, it took trial and errors and most likely it is still the one area of your life where you are still struggling and find it hard to talk about it in the open.

Where the Dots Fail to Connect

So, picture this, I am at a party talking with another woman about my stamina training for men and her eyes get big, and she says, “You must get my man in that program. I want you to teach him how to be a king in the bedroom and give me that kind of sex.”

I talk to both separately, and the most interesting thing is that I get two different versions of the same experience.

Most men I talk to are like, yeah, I am pretty good in bed, and I know I can please my woman. When I speak to the said woman, I get a different version. She begs me to teach him sexual mastery because she wants to take their sex life to the next level.

The women aren’t speaking up; they don’t want to hurt his feelings. They are thinking they are doing him a favor, but in reality, it is not serving anyone.

This behavior must change, my dear sister.

If we aren’t letting them know when we aren’t satisfied, or what has worked yesterday isn’t working anymore, there is no way for a man to know that something needs to be different.

Withholding and not sharing our disappointment isn’t caring, it is quite the opposite, it is sending a message that says I don’t love myself enough or you want something different and more fulfilling.

Nobody likes to hear that they aren’t good in bed or that the way they are delivering it isn’t enjoyable for the receiver, but the only way out is through communication and lots of practice.

But let’s set the record straight here:

Sexual Performance is Not Sexual Mastery

Most of the time, society focuses on the result. But when it comes to great sex, the experience matters more than the result.

What I mean by that, is that the quality of the sex is more essential than the technique.

READ THIS: TRAITS YOU MUST DEVELOP TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN

Making love means paying equal attention to your pleasure and your partner’s pleasure. This is a dance and a co-creation.

It takes courage to admit that we don’t know it all. It takes vulnerability to share our deepest desires. Most of all, it requires honesty to show personal power and authenticity.

So yes, we could blame it on poor sexual education. Or the fact that some women lack courage and confidence to speak up about their needs. Or that some men are so focused on their performance that they lose their partner along the way.

In reality, it is a lack of positive role models and a willingness to approach sex from a beginner’s mind.

Meaning there’s always something new to learn and try, no matter how many times you’ve done it. Some people go on adventures, others on vacation, you, my dear, are going on a sexploration journey.

Don’t go for perfection; go for connection.