Last Updated on August 31, 2020

Porn has become one of the primary teaching sources for sexual education. As enjoyable as porn can be, it’s not where you learn how to have fantastic sex. This article is not about whether porn is bad or good for you, but instead whether porn teaches you the right things.

Once you know its limitations, you can see it for what it truly is, entertainment. Porn can spark sexual desire, and expose you to different sexual options. For some, it even helps to let go of shame, while unfortunately for others it digs a deeper hole around guilt and shame.

Just like any performance, there are different levels of quality, so choose wisely what you use for your viewing pleasure.

FIVE THINGS PORN DOESN’T TEACH YOU

1.  Caring loving touch.

In my sexual explorations, I have received intimate touch from both men and women. I was shocked to discover that both genders have been profoundly affected by the media. For many, the touch had a roughness and forcefulness to it.

Sadly, too often I see women and men treat each other’s genitals with very little care and gentleness. Everyone can benefit from being touched lightly with full presence and attention. Full attention and caring can transform an act of genital sex into total physical, mental, and emotional fulfillment and bliss.

Our bodies are designed to be treated with care and respect, and if you are treating your pet more lovingly than your partner, it’s time to upgrade your touch.

2.  Slow sex.

Now, do you think that rabbits have a fulfilling sex life?

The only model that’s being portrayed in porn is pounding as rough and fast as it gets. Yes, a quicky can feel good and even being roughly handled, but it shouldn’t be the only skill in your repertoire.

Diversity keeps the passion alive, and when it comes to really mind-blowing sex, it takes a little while to build it up. Which means that the slower you go, the stronger the sensations.

3.  Sex without an agenda.

In porn, it’s all about the money shot and the destination. There’s a pressure to perform on both ends, and the goal is to get there as fast as possible.

Often we limit ourselves when we have a set agenda of how and what things should look like. When we drop the destination and start enjoying the journey, so much more pleasure can unfold.

4.  Emotional connection.

When the connection is reduced to staring at each other’s genitals or her breasts, well it’s doesn’t create a deep bond.

Looking into each other’s eyes, breathing together, and holding each other can turn sexual intimacy into emotional intimacy.

I want to share something profound, that will help every sexual relationship you ever have. Here is the big secret. Ready?

A woman with an open heart has an open pussy. Open her heart before you try to open her pussy. Creating an emotional connection will nurture and open the heart and get the juices flowing, both figuratively and literally. It’s what triggers a woman’s internal lubrication and sends the message to her pussy to open up, become engorged, and get sensitized for penetration.

READ THIS: THE SECRET TO OPENING YOUR WOMAN SEXUALLY

5.  Communication.

If all you know is porn, you would think there is only one kind of dirty talk, and expect a woman to want penetration immediately, and expect moans of ecstasy from the woman within seconds of penetration without lubrication. That is just not the way real sex happens!

Have you ever heard a discussion on how to set the mood for a scene so BOTH partners can have a blast? How about talking about needs and wants before sex? How about asking for what you want, and not just telling your partner what you don’t like? Do you know all your partner’s favorite places to be touched? Does your partner know all of your favorite places?

LISTEN TO EPISODE 19 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: WHY COMMUNICATION IS LUBRICATION IN THE BEDROOM

BRIDGE THE PORN GAP

There is a massive disconnection between what women want and what is being offered in porn. Porn shows impossible standards to live up to, for men and women both, so we need to expose ourselves to more conscious ways of relating to upgrade our intimacy and have better sex and deeper relationships.

Watching porn teaches you all the wrong ways to have sex, so find other places to get real sex education. Don’t rely on porn, because it’s not a good place to learn how to take your sex to the supreme heights of pleasure and fulfillment and connection that sex can bring.