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What You’ll Learn In Episode 68:

Have you ever had time with your significant other that was supposed to be great, but ended up in one or both of you being triggered? Were you able to recover? In this episode, Kevin & Céline tell the story of their recent “Date Night Gone Wrong”. They’ll talk about what happened, and how they dealt with it. Did their regular date night end up as a disaster or with sex and love? Plus find out their 6 tips to get back on track after it all goes wrong!

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you are a man, woman, single or couple, this is the show for you, because, well, sex matters. We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony, and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast You should have seen what Celine was doing before the video came in.

Kevin Anthony 0:38
Alright, this is Episode 68. And it is titled date night gone wrong how to recover from a trigger. So this is going to be kind of a fun one because it’s we’re going to tell a personal story about a situation that happened with us and we’re going to show you how we handled it and give you some advice as to how to handle similar situations. If you have them and you will.

Céline Remy 1:04
You know, what I love about this is this is definitely going to be a vulnerable show that, hey, we’re going to show you that. Sometimes we mess up too and even though we breathe,  live, and do this stuff all day long, there are still times where life happens. And that was one of those moments.

Céline Remy 1:22
So we’re gonna take you down the rabbit hole around our last date night, which happened about five or six days ago. So it’s still pretty fresh and really like, show you everything.

Kevin Anthony 1:37
Fresh. That’s the way we like it.

Céline Remy 1:39
We will hold nothing back. You are ready. Maybe you want to put on headphones.

Céline Remy 1:47
Anyway, before we get started, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor power and mastery. If you are ready to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, you want to check out power in mastery at power and mastery.com. Whether you want to have harder erections, you want to last longer or you want to improve your sexual skills, trust us, you will thank us.

Kevin Anthony 2:12
And your partner will thank us.

Céline Remy 2:14
The whole world.

Kevin Anthony 2:19
Alright, so let’s dive into this and talk about, you know, sort of how the night started. And you know, what happened, how we course-corrected and all of that stuff.

Céline Remy 2:32
So the first thing is we have a scheduled date night and I want to really backtrack this part because I think it’s a really important thing to mention, because I was talking about that with some clients of mine, and they were like, you have a date night. And I was like, Yes, we do. And it’s actually something that we have been doing since the beginning of our dating, and we’ve kept it going all of these years and we are planning on

Céline Remy 2:59
Keep keeping it forever, you know. And the whole thing is, for us, date night is about creating a special container where we have a chance to share and connect our love. And I know we’ve talked about this in different episodes, we really have almost like to rules right for date night.

Kevin Anthony 3:20
Yes, two rules.

Céline Remy 3:21
Okay.

Kevin Anthony 3:22
Number one, we need to do something together. And everybody laughs when I say that rule, because like, Well, of course, you’re together. But by together, what we really mean is doing something where we’re engaging with each other. We’re not just sitting there next to each other, staring at a movie screen more TV or, you know, reading books next to each other on the couch. I mean, that’s fine.

Kevin Anthony 3:42
There’s nothing wrong with that. We do that all the time. But on date night, the whole point of having a separate date night is that we’re focusing on each other. we’re interacting in some way. We’re connecting in some way.

Céline Remy 3:54
The second rule and is your favorite.

Kevin Anthony 3:57
The second rule is there has to be nudity involved.

Kevin Anthony 4:02
So, so there has to be some nakedness. Now it doesn’t have to mean sex. And this is an important point because sometimes when working with couples they’re like, but if we get naked, then he’s gonna want to have sex with this or that there’s no expectation of sex just have to be naked. And if it’s too cold, it’s under a blanket, or it’s in front of the fire or something like that.

Céline Remy 4:24
Yeah. And that takes some of the pressure ways that there’s no need for penetration, there’s no expectation, I have to admit that it pretty much always ends insects. It’s very rare.

Kevin Anthony 4:36
That’s why the rule exists, exists because it means that the likelihood of having some sort of sexual encounter is it’s greatly increased, right? And but there’s no expectation so it’s not like oh, we have to because it’s date night. But if we’re naked and we’re cuddling or we’re touching each other, the chances are it’s probably going to happen.

Céline Remy 4:59
Of course, you are so yummy, I want you!

Kevin Anthony 5:02
Oh yeah…

Céline Remy 5:05
We have a whole show to keep delivering. So let’s focus

Kevin Anthony 5:09
And then I’ll deliver.

Céline Remy 5:10
Oh, I can’t wait.

Céline Remy 5:15
I’m getting hot in here. Okay, so one of the things to that we’ve noticed over the years it’s been going on for nearly four years now is it’s too easy to get distracted and to show up to date night when you are a little bit tired or you work less our date night starts at six and you just work until 5.59 pm. And then you show up for date night and you’re exhausted.

Céline Remy 5:36
So we course correct a lot and we’ve been telling each other things like hey, let’s see how can we show up as our best self maybe. Usually, for me, it means to stop at least a half-hour before the date night starts and just kind of like unwind, get in the mood. Sometimes it could even mean me changing into a different outfit, or it could even be taking a shower if there was something that I needed to Like really change the energy.

Céline Remy 6:02
So the idea behind that too is to find ways to show up as your best self. And we humans sometimes we still show up tired or whatever that is a stressed-out where we don’t want that to become more of the habit. We don’t want it to just make our Tuesday night date night such a habit that we don’t put any effort into it.

Kevin Anthony 6:24
Yeah. And you know, life happens, right? I mean, there’s a lot of days where I’m just like, my days, booked solid from the moment I start until the moment date night starts. Sometimes I’m even like, I need five more minutes, you know, and that’s just the way life is but, you know, I try when possible, not to book things that I know will go late. I don’t always know. But so yeah, the idea is to keep it in mind and to try to set yourself up for success.

Céline Remy 6:52
Absolutely and the other thing too, is we are not. We are willing sometimes to move it when there are events or have a things that come up The rule is that we reschedule it right away. We don’t just put it up and say, yeah, we’ll do this later. It’s like if we move it from our regular Tuesday night, we because it’s in our Google calendar that we share, we literally like to find another spot on that same week so that it’s not just living up to chance because we know it doesn’t really happen.

Kevin Anthony 7:19
Yeah. And you know, a lot of people will do interesting things about scheduling a date night. The first one is we were spending time with some friends recently, and we’re like, oh, Tuesday nights, our date night and one of the responses was, isn’t every night date night? Yes, actually, every night is date night. And we make sure that we focus on at least one day a week where we have no distractions.

Kevin Anthony 7:42
No, no, there’s no movies, no TV or whatever. We’re just focusing on each other. So that’s, that’s one of the things and I don’t remember what the second one is. So when it comes back to me, I’ll tell everybody. There was another one.

Céline Remy 7:58
Okay, so let’s take you through So this date night has started, and we’ve had some great dinner and now we like deciding to go and snuggle up on the couch. I come up with this really cool game. Because I like to do little things that are different, so we snuggling up, and I’m like, let’s ask some questions to one another. And I wanted to just like, really listen, I was just really curious. There were some deep questions.

Céline Remy 8:25
You know, things like where do you see yourself in five years? Is there anything that you’re afraid that if I knew that about you, I would love you anymore. or anything like that, that really forced us to start to not only just like a check-in with each other but dive in deep and reveal some of our future plans or, or anything about what’s in our heart and it was really beautiful because we took turn asking one another questions.

Céline Remy 9:04
But just because I asked a question, Kevin didn’t have to give it back to me if he wanted to hear my answer he could, but sometimes you answered it with a difference. I mean, you followed it with different questions. So that was pretty fun.

Kevin Anthony 9:18
Yeah, and you know, the point of this episode isn’t necessarily to give you date night ideas. But it was a cool, fun game because what it did was, it brought us into that deeper level of connection. And we didn’t stay surface-level stuff. And you know, I mean, look, if you’ve been in any sort of relationship for any length of time, you should be doing stuff like that on a regular basis all the time. Like you shouldn’t be four years in and going.

Kevin Anthony 9:46
So where do you see yourself later in life, like, you fucking better have had that conversation a long time ago? But, but just because you had that conversation a long time ago, doesn’t mean that you can’t have it again. Having again and have it again periodically over time because things that you need want to change.

Céline Remy 10:07
What I remember was I was really focusing on my heart and truly listening at that moment. You know, oftentimes when we talk, we’ve so focused on what we’re going to say next. And then that’s because we had the evening we slowed things down. I was just really curious about who is Kevin? Oh, I remember one of the questions was really cool. I asked you what kind of mental image you wanted me to have of you like when I thought of you?

Céline Remy 10:36
What were the qualities and the image I wanted to have? And this was such a good question because oftentimes, we put our partners in little boxes and is like, he’s like this. She’s like that because they’ve done this like that, but it doesn’t leave room for growth. And what I loved about this was like, my question to Kevin was, who are you now? Like, tell me, how do you want me to say See what can hold as a vision for your future? And it was really beautiful.

Kevin Anthony 11:05
Yeah, there was a cool question because how many times do people actually ask you how they should see you? Right now you have an opportunity to write it. Like writing your own script. Who do you want to be? Do you want to be a superhero? Like, say it? Right. Cool, cool thing. So there’s a couple of bonuses in this episode are some fun games or questions to ask.

Céline Remy 11:27
So what I loved was, we started to feel really just connected. And I was definitely starting to feel horny. Like I even remember saying that was like, Oh my god, this is so hard. I was like, Oh, I need to go and make love with you. Like there was this deep intimacy that had been built this connection, and my whole body was throbbing. So then I’m noticing how can I even get this energy more and so I am there and I’m thinking I want to like take this date night over the top.

Céline Remy 12:02
It’s already amazing. But let’s do it over the top. I’m going to do a sexy dance for Kevin. Then I was having this picture in my head of me wearing the sexy underwear and just doing some dance moves and then like, starting to move on to him and then as going from there into lovemaking, so I had this whole fantasy going on in my head. And if you are a woman listening to this show, you probably can relate to that. we make up stories in our heads, sometimes the story…

Kevin Anthony 12:03
What? You do?

Céline Remy 12:40
Yes, we do.

Kevin Anthony 12:41
I had no idea.

Céline Remy 12:43
Sometimes the stories and the imagination are even hotter than reality. Like sometimes I can get off just from thinking about the hot date or the hot art that I’m going to be wearing for that particular date. It turns me on even more than the actual like doing it I know you don’t get that one

Kevin Anthony 13:02
Kevin So what you’re saying is you created a whole fantasy in your head about what could potentially happen its kind of like creating an expectation.

Céline Remy 13:12
Yeah, but I’m not going to say I did.

Céline Remy 13:17
Okay, fine. I sure did.

Kevin Anthony 13:19
So then the next part of the story is that you go into the walking closet to put your outfit on.

Céline Remy 13:27
No, we brushed our teeth and we get ready.

Kevin Anthony 13:31
Well yeah, but that’s not really

Céline Remy 13:32
well but yeah, but it was getting already a little slow like I was so excited about doing it. Remember, I was like let’s move on. I’m like, Kevin, please pick up a song.

Kevin Anthony 13:41
Well, if you want to go back to the brushing of the teeth part. You know, she has as a woman as you would expect a few more bedtime rituals than say a guy you know, like me, I kind of just brush my teeth and sometimes run a brush through my hair is kind of the extent of it. Yeah. Got a few more things that she does before going to sleep.

Kevin Anthony 14:05
So I’m expecting that she’s going to run through her whole usual routine that she does. So I’m not going particularly fast. I’m like, taking my sweet old time brushing my teeth and, you know, common brushing my hair, go to the bathroom, whatever, you know,

Céline Remy 14:22
What you didn’t know, Kevin is that I decided not to do the whole routine. I decided I was only going to brush my teeth and do the rest later after sex.

Kevin Anthony 14:29
Right, which you didn’t actually tell me.

Céline Remy 14:31
I sent you a telepathic message,

Kevin Anthony 14:33
right? Uh-huh. What’s so great about having this discussion here on the air, right is that, you know, there are so many things that we teach our clients and we’ve said on this show many, many times, please don’t do and we’re telling you that we actually did them, like, assuming that he’s a mind reader and just telepathically understood.

Kevin Anthony 14:51
Do you know what you were saying? Right? Like, don’t ever do that. If you have a plan in mind, tell us what the plan is because we’re not mind-readers. So yeah, it kind of started to go a little downhill when you gave me a little bit of a hard time for taking too long. And I’m like, Wait, what?

Céline Remy 15:09
Where’s my sweet Celine? Hey, by the way, we forgot to mention this was one day before my one time. And I had just received an acupuncture treatment, we working on my hormones, so I have to say, my hormones were a little bit out of balance.

Kevin Anthony 15:26
No qualifications here. just own it.

Céline Remy 15:31
I’m owning it. But I’m also mentioning that this was also a factor in my inability to stay balanced. And I know a lot can they can relate to that.

Kevin Anthony 15:41
So yes, yes, actually was I’m sort of joking. It was something that affected your current mood today. And it’s actually something that I was keeping in mind when deciding how to deal with the situation, but we’ll come to that later. That’s hot. Oh, so So right away. I’m like, Oh, she’s already complaining. That I’m not ready fast enough. This is not good. So, so then she goes to put her outfit on if she tells me to pick out a song. Now, she hasn’t told me yet.

Kevin Anthony 16:10
What kind of dance she’s gonna do. Is it gonna be a striptease dance? Or is it just going to be like a sexy slow dance? Something crazy? Twerking? You know, I could belly dance. It could be any of them with Celine like, Who knows? Right?

Céline Remy 16:27
Didn’t you hear the mind movie going on in my head? It was all there Kevin.

Kevin Anthony 16:31
No, no, didn’t hear any of it. I have no idea what’s gonna happen. So she tells me to pick a song. I’m sort of guessing at the moment that it’s going to be kind of sexy striptease kind of dance. So, you know, I don’t have a playlist of like the Celine striptease songs available on my phone.

Kevin Anthony 16:50
Although I should and I’ve learned now, but you know, she usually likes to dance or she used to like to dance to somebody. Music So we have this Latin station.

Céline Remy 17:03
Reggaeton actually

Kevin Anthony 17:04
Yeah, yeah, like real.

Céline Remy 17:08
Base sexy.

Kevin Anthony 17:11
Yeah. So I go Okay, I’ll pick a song so I go straight to that station because I’m like, I know this works right? And the first song I put out I know nothing about this style of music, by the way, I don’t listen to it. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it if you like it is not my thing. Do you know? I’m like a rock and roll guy. guitars over there. So I know nothing about it, but I just find one that’s got a good beat and she’s like, not that one. Okay, okay, so I go I find another…

Céline Remy 17:42
No, not that one.

Kevin Anthony 17:45
Shit now, what do I do?

Kevin Anthony 17:47
I don’t know. So so then she’s like, now break it down. I don’t even like break it down anymore. Find something else. Like oh crap. That was my go-to like what I do now.

Céline Remy 18:00
Then I go like I said, pick a song that you love.

Kevin Anthony 18:04
Oh yeah, let’s do that. So then she tells me to pick a song that I love and I’m like, the songs I love are not a striptease sexy songs they’re like you’re gonna get blues you’re gonna get rock and roll, you’re going to get the Beatles or something like that not appropriate for this mood. So that was not advice that was really helping me

Céline Remy 18:23
as he’s like trying three or four different songs and they’re in our in my closet, you know, we have a big walking closet. I’m starting to like to get antsy and frustrated. And I’m like, I just want to dance like this fantasy is starting to like not to look like anything I had pictured. And like so this definitely a vibe and energy of frustration of get it like let’s get moving.

Kevin Anthony 18:49
And so now I’m over here on my phone frantically Google searching good striptease songs. So I gotta do the search. I gotta read the articles and I gotta go to YouTube and see if I can find it and then I gotta listen to it and see if it where I’m like going as fast as I can. Something has to work

Céline Remy 19:09
And then you get one that has an add on first. Because you are on YouTube right? And I am like, what are you doing?

Kevin Anthony 19:16
So all of this to say that I’m over there doing the best I can as fast as I can to get her something that will make her happy. She is not having any of it, complaining, complaining and complaining. And so basically the whole mood is just destroyed at this point. You give up you’re like frustrated you come out of the closet.

Céline Remy 19:42
That coming out of the closet slightly different than other people coming out of the closet. I am wearing a sexy outfit and go to Kevin, I’m like, Well, you can’t find a song. This is not a hard task to do. And you like when I’m doing my best you know, and we kind of started going back and forth in that type of discussion.

Céline Remy 20:01
As I’m doing this, and we’re going back and forth for like, well, but this is not hard. I told you what I wanted it like, well, but this is like what you usually want. And literally having another movie going on in my head of like, Oh my gosh, this is crazy. We need to do a podcast on this. This is ridiculous.

Kevin Anthony 20:19
Hence the love lab.

Céline Remy 20:21
I’m like thinking I can’t believe we’re doing this. Then we kind of like pause, cut it short, sit down on the bed, and I’m like, Well, that’s it. I’m not in the mood anymore. I’m wearing this kind of sexy outfit. And I’m so frustrated and at the same time, I’m embarrassed and I’m starting to feel really stupid. I don’t even want to be in this outfit anymore.

Céline Remy 20:50
Like this is like, like everything’s kind of like I wanted that kind of mood and just like get up and I don’t think you had ever seen that underwear and you kind of trying to see them. Like, Oh, nice underwear, you tried to say something like that, and I go, Well, whatever, toss it and throw it. Then I come back on naked and I’m like, all like, pouty and you know, like grumpy. And I’m like, Wow, that is not what I had plans, you know. And we both kind of look at a chair like, yeah, this is not going quite right.

Kevin Anthony 21:21
Okay, so so we’ve set the scene now, right? So you know how the evening started, which was really great with a lot of deep connections. And now you’ve seen how it’s really like it’s gone off the rails at this point. Everybody’s frustrated, nobody’s horny. But now the question is, how did we bring it back? And did we bring it back? Uh-huh. Okay, so, obviously, we’re both now and I was already naked.

Kevin Anthony 21:49
So we’re both sitting on the bed naked and like annoyed and frustrated and trying to figure out what to do. So I said, Okay, well, let’s just snuggle because that’s something we love to do that’s like connection. Let’s just snuggle. So we do that.

Céline Remy 22:06
And one of the thing that I remember we did too was simply to just acknowledge that this was kind of silly and fucked up like just kind of like okay, this is not the date night we want to have

Kevin Anthony 22:19
it definitely was not the date to have but here we are so, so we’re snuggling. And, you know, for me it was less of a trigger. So I’m starting to sort of like calm down pretty quickly, but I can still feel that you’re so not

Céline Remy 22:38
well I’m you know, I kind of like in that space like I don’t even want to touch her like whatever like this is like you really want to connect and you really want to have that touch. But because you hurt inside and they’re Spain, you want to inflict that pain of Brazil on you like I don’t want that which I know will make me feel good. It’s very weird. Yeah. But that it did happen in my head

Kevin Anthony 23:02
and self-destructive. Yes, you catch yourself in that behavior. Stop it, just stop it. That’s, that’s a joke from a comedy sketch to just stop and think. But the point is, is that if you do catch yourself doing that, like a pause for a moment and realize that that’s not helping anybody, it’s not helping you and it’s not yours. So, okay, so I’m kind of feeling that you’re having a harder time coming back than I am. So what I decided to do is to just give her a massage.

Kevin Anthony 23:35
So I got up from cuddling and I just rolled her over on her stomach, and I just started to give her a massage. And that actually started to do it. As soon as I started doing it, I could feel your body start to soften. You start to like, come back.

Céline Remy 23:49
That was so nice. Like I was like, oh, wow, like he’s loving me and he’s touching me and he’s giving to me he like and you know, like there’s a part of me that was around like, I’m not even lovable right now and he can love me. And, you know, I mean, obviously all of these things go really quick and you had and it’s not like I’m deeply analyzing them or doing therapy.

Céline Remy 24:13
But there’s kind of all of these that are happening at once and then there’s that moment where I just chose to let go and be like, Okay, I’m going to receive this and allow myself to be open again, allow myself to feel my heart again, rather than trying to protect my heart so that I don’t get hurt. But in doing so, I’m closed down to any love going out and coming in.

Kevin Anthony 24:37
That didn’t last long. So at some point, I know when I finished giving you a massage, we kind of like was it Yeah, I think we were sitting in somehow we kind of came face to face and had a little bit more connection, which of course then resulted in sex. Okay, so, so yeah, so basically what we did was we just connected in a very simple way, which was coddling.

Kevin Anthony 25:11
Then I decided, you know, I could tell she needed some help to de-stress a little more, so I gave her the massage. We returned back to connecting again. And then we could feel the love come back in.

Céline Remy 25:24
We actually had beautiful sex. But one thing that I really want to bring up is that this was not how people say that makeup sex?

Kevin Anthony 25:34
makeup. Oh, yeah, yeah, it’s the makeup

Céline Remy 25:36
Makeup sex. Yeah. Because I know a lot of people are thinking, Oh, you had this great sex because you had a great fight. I actually never have that. Like I don’t bring that energy into my sexuality. This was not this makeup sex like this. This was like we were raw. We were open but we were coming from a place of love. There wasn’t like processing this as we were fucking each other.

Kevin Anthony 25:59
Yeah, and I There’s a great point to bring up because I think the whole makeup sex thing is just total bullshit. Too many people who are like Yeah, but the best part about having to fight is makeup sex like fuck that. You’re gonna fucking amazing sex without having any fights like it’s just

Céline Remy 26:15
absolutely. So luckily for us, date night turned out to be still wonderful. We got a whole episode out of it Hey. And but we also saw it as this beautiful teaching moment for us as a reminder and also like how can we help others? And so we brought it down into like six different things here, how we really got back on track and how you can to when something like this happens.

Céline Remy 26:42
Remember too that there are different levels of triggers and fighting. I mean, this was a mild, medium one, maybe medium, let’s say medium. Yeah, two-mile. Yeah. And so depending on the intensity of the exchange, sometimes too. Do you need a break? Sometimes you do need time off.

Kevin Anthony 27:02
Yeah. And if it gets really intense, I would suggest going back and listening to the episode that we did with Scott Thomas, on managing triggers. Yeah. Because there are some really good tools in there on how to really manage those triggers when they get

Céline Remy 27:17
bad. Absolutely. So this is more of a like, Okay, this is like, okay, you were stuck in your head a fantasy and then something didn’t happen or like this, that trigger. The first thing is to start to notice, okay, something, okay, this is not going where we want it to go. And then remember, what are you trying to do remember the love Kevin said, it’s just one moment in the grand scheme of things.

Kevin Anthony 27:42
Yeah, the whole point of the date night was to share in love and connection. And just because we got off course, doesn’t mean that we can’t get back on course. So how do you get back on course, well, remember the course? The course is love, like remember that the love that you share with this person is far bigger than any dance or underwear or song or whatever.

Céline Remy 28:11
Number two, it’s very important to stop what you are doing that which is not working.

Kevin Anthony 28:18
Yeah. So whatever, whatever the thing is that caused the trigger, just stop it. So in other words, we could have kept going back and forth about how I didn’t find the right song and how you’re complaining too much about, you know, like, we could keep going on with that. But what is that going to do? It’s certainly not going to get us what we want. So stop that.

Céline Remy 28:39
It’s a good time to pause and take a deep breath and then it’s kind of like to start to take responsibility and on your part, and this is very important to use “I” statement rather than you. So again, as Kevin said, we could have kept going, you did this, you did that. And it’s like, okay, okay. I think I even my I’d have said something along the lines of like, Yeah, I got really disappointed, you know, or like, yeah, I’m really triggered because I had this beautiful image in my head of this amazing date night.

Céline Remy 29:10
And now, it’s not happening, you know, something around. It’s so much easier to hear than to blame somebody a point a finger at somebody else,

Kevin Anthony 29:18
for sure, for sure. And on my end, you know, I was just saying, Hey, I’m doing the best I can do. Mm-hmm. And you know, so rather than then turn the whole focus on you about how you did everything wrong. I’m just saying like, I did. I was doing the best I could do.

Céline Remy 29:33
Yeah. Number four, agree to start over. So now that you’ve acknowledged something has been going wrong, you start to take responsibility, and then you agree for communication that Okay, let’s do a do-over. If that was a movie, we could pause, rewind and restart. And you know what life is a movie many times, and it’s much easier than you think to just pause. We wind I start

Kevin Anthony 30:04
All right, and then number five, focus on the connection and don’t be afraid to get physical and by physical mean like cuddling, massaging, you know. And that’s a way to get back into your body. Because what happens is you get all up in your head about she did this or he did that. And it didn’t go the way I thought it was. And I had this whole idea, but that’s all just bullshit in your head. Right? So if you want to get rid of that you want to let go of it. One of the easier ways to do that is to get physically in your body.

Céline Remy 30:38
Mm-hmm. And then last but not least, forgive yourself and forgive the other. And there’s just a beautiful practice from the heart. Hawaiians called Ohoponopono and basically is like, I’m sorry, forgive me. I thank you. I love you. And I sometimes repeat that, you know, when I do something When I hurt somebody else, when I’m embarrassed about something like, I will do it on myself first because oftentimes we feel so upset at ourselves for sure, not having shown up the way we wanted, and it has a lot more to do with ourselves.

Céline Remy 31:15
This is why we said forgive yourself first. Because then you can easily, much more easily forgive others. So whether you follow Ohoponopono. You say it mentally, or use it in your head, wherever you imagine your heart opening, and like a beam of light, whatever works for you surround each other with, I don’t know, bank light, whatever talks, like works for you that that brings that sense of the love of forgiveness.

Kevin Anthony 31:43
Yeah. So I, you know, I think that one of the big points to make here is that everybody goes off track from time to time, everybody like it happens to everyone. You know, especially, you know, we live together, we work together, we work at home, together in the same office, like we’re around each other all the time, right? Like stuff is going to come up, things are going to happen. And that’s true of everybody. And so it’s not so much.

Céline Remy 32:15
You know, oh, we have to do everything we can to make sure that doesn’t happen. I mean, yet you want to take steps to set yourself up for success, and inevitably stuff happens. And when it does, then you just have to course correct. Mm-hmm. You know, one thing that I thought was interesting in the timing, so number one was, it happened right after a really deep moment of intimacy.

Céline Remy 32:36
And that I’ve seen happen a lot to where people open up to become very vulnerable, very intimate, and then sometimes you are you so you’re on this side of the spectrum, then you go all the way to the other end because that was really deep and profound and sometimes there’s something that needs to get to that process that comes up.

Céline Remy 32:52
So I’ve seen that happen when you have something beautiful happening and then sometimes while you experience the other side of the coin, you know And the timing to about, like, where was just about all me having my expectations being lost in my fantasy islands, and then trying to make that fantasy happen. But by myself on my island, I lost him. And so I think that’s also why sometimes it’s so important fantasy has its place. But like, we co-creating something together, and I probably would have been much more successful if I hadn’t just like rehearse the whole thing in my head, but shared it with him.

Kevin Anthony 33:34
Yeah, for sure. That would have been very helpful. Excuse me. Now on the other end, you know, for me, it’s important not to feed the fire, so to speak. In other words, what you often see is this downward spiral of one person triggers the other one, and then back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Until, you know, it just gets so far out of hand that it’s really hard to recover from. So you know, the You know, from my point of view, at that moment, the idea really was Okay, stop, don’t feed into this don’t go into blame and just what can we do to turn it around

Céline Remy 34:11
you also mentioned earlier that you were aware of was about to bleed, and then I had just had the acupuncture treatment, maybe quickly, if you want to do that for our audience?

Kevin Anthony 34:19
Thank you for reminding me. Which is, you know, alright. So yeah, there’s bleeding, there’s acupuncture and all that, but the real point to take away from that is understanding where somebody is at in any given moment in time. So, you know, and that’s going to change all the time. And just knowing that she was in that spot, where, you know, hormones were fluctuating. She had a pretty deep treatment, she was a little, you know, out of sorts for the way she normally is. I have to keep that in mind.

Kevin Anthony 34:49
Because otherwise if I don’t, I’m just gonna ask she’s just a bitch or she’s just, you know, it’s like, No, just having a hard day. You know, I mean, As a guy, I’ll never truly understand what it means to be in a female body to have these constant hormones fluctuating all the time. But just even as a guy, just seeing, you know, the normal ups and downs that come with just being human, I can’t even really imagine what it must be like. So I have to have some compassion for that. Right.

Céline Remy 35:22
Thank you, Kevin.

Céline Remy 35:25
Absolutely, that would be a whole other episode on how to deal with that. But I think for today, I hope that our story was inspiring. I hope you got some good tips and know that just because good date night goes wrong, it doesn’t mean it has to end wrong.

Kevin Anthony 35:41
That’s right. It can have a happy ending. Oh, you did. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode, and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode. The love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 36:05
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at CelineRemy.com. That’s kevinandceline.com So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 36:22
Thanks for listening,

Céline Remy 36:23
And remember, you’re amazing.

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